Post 7:
It’s a good thing I was born with a “oh, you don’t think I can do this? I’m going to prove you wrong” attitude.
I changed schools in Grade 7, Grade 10, Grade 11, Grade 12. Oof. With every change, most of my friends went with it. Not entirely sure why the friendships ended other than they didn’t like the fact was I leaving. I learned in about the middle of high school that when it came to friends it was quality over quantity; a point still true today.
It was the summer going into Grade 10 that my mom left my dad, and we (the girls) moved to another town where my mom worked. Grade 10 was all right. I was trying to find a group that I belonged to; I was trying to fit in, and I was “rebelling” all at the same time. By Grade 11, I had pretty much taken on a “f*ck you” attitude to most of the world including my mom and sisters. I was “asked” to go live at my dad’s as no one really appreciated the attitude I had taken on (I can’t image why no one liked the “I hate you and I’m going to do what I want” demeanor 😉.)
While I always made it to the school parking lot, I didn’t go inside much. I mean, I handed in all the assignments, I wrote and passed the exams. Hell, I even passed all the courses. Hmmm, but then June came. Due to all my skipping, I spent a lot of time with the vice-principal who had the pleasure of dealing with the skippers. But at the end of June, I was called down to the principal’s office. He informed me that while he was impressed I had passed all my classes, or the core ones at least, they would not allow me to “pass” Grade 11 because of my absences. (gulp)
This was my real first taste of owning the consequences of my actions. There was no one to blame, no excuse to be made, nothing to do but own it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m 16 and I’m pissed. But deep down I knew there was nothing I could do. This was also probably my first grown-up moment of realizing the people I was hanging around with and the things I was doing were probably not going to help me achieve my goals. And the first goal was to finish high school; the second goal was to go to university.
As much as I don’t like to admit that I had to do a whole year of high school over again, I use this lesson constantly with the kids. From the time they were in elementary school, I had taken the approach that they were responsible for their school “stuff.” “No, I will not write down reading minutes for minutes you did not read.” “Oh, you didn’t finish your homework on time, even though you have homework every week and every week it’s due on Tuesdays? Oh, well, you better let your teacher know; you’re not staying home today.” Their grades do not reflect how awesome of a parent I am; I hold no stake in that. Their grades reflect how much effort they’ve put in (and of course I am there to assist if they need/ask me for it; I’m not a monster, but of ALL the nagging I do, school stuff isn’t one of them.) Of course I want my kids to succeed, don’t we all? Of course I want them to get good grades, but not because this makes me feel better as a parent, but because I know this will make their life easier. Did you do your best at the time? Fantastic. That’s all I can ask for. And if you don’t, that’s okay. Everything will be fine. I will still love you.
So Grade 11 do-over. I knew then that if I was going to get my sh*t together, I had to leave my current surroundings, my current friends. I started another school in a nearby small town for what should have been Grade 12. I didn’t last long. I didn’t fit in very well. So for a few weeks, I was a high school drop out. I don’t remember the specifics of how it all worked out, but I went to go live with my aunt and her family in Pincher Creek and go to school there. That was a really amazing experience for me. She took over the roll as “mom.” And even if it was a short-lived moment now, it had a huge, positive impact on my life. She is an amazing woman who was there for me at a time I really needed someone. She was and still is an incredible role model. (I am actually blessed to have an amazing tribe of women who have shaped who I am today).
So I finished Grade 11 (yay, me! 😉 ). My mom got the opportunity to go Ottawa for work, and I followed. At this time, Ontario still had Grade 13, so when we went to register for Grade 12, thinking I only had one year of high school left, I was told I would have two. I remember having a complete breakdown in the principal’s office thinking high school was already the worst three years of my life, and I was not willing to do two more.
I remember telling my mom that I would finish via correspondence with the Alberta curriculum, and she said, in not so many words, that she didn’t think it was a good idea, and I was unlikely to finish. That ignited a fire of come hell or high water I was going to prove her wrong. And it wasn’t just her; there were other family members who liked to comment on my lack of effort in the attending school area. I’m not sure if in that moment it was about finishing or really just proving them all wrong. I found a school in Edmonton that offered distant education, and I took the required courses to graduate high school. I watched my friends graduate in 2001. I was sad and embarrassed I wasn’t one of them. In June of 2002 I received my high school diploma. I did not attend any sort of graduation. I was just so freaking happy to be done with that chapter of my life.
As much as I hated that it took me longer, it become the thing that was my greatest accomplishment (at least for the next couple of years). For some people, the high school experience was easy; for me it was not. I had a goal of attending university, and in order to get there, I had to get through high school.
This was the first time in my life of asking myself “How bad do you want it?” “What are you willing to do to achieve it, and are you willing to do what it takes to do it?”
My life lessons: Never give up on your goals. Don’t ever let someone tell you what you are capable of doing. If not now, when?
Inspired song: Titanium - Sia
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