In May, we got a kitten and named him Walter. If you know me, this is unusual. While I don’t hate animals, I have never felt a connection to them. Sure, the babies are always cute, but I was happy to admire from afar.
In my growing up, we had a bird and two cats. Again, never formed a bond with any of them. They were just kind of there.
My kids have always wanted an animal, Charli more than Ben, but still, it comes up in conversation. We had trialed a puppy in 2019, but that was not the right fit for me.
Along my spiritual journey, I have animals come up quite often in readings and messages. I have always brushed it off as, “nah, this isn’t for me” or “oops, the universe must have gotten that wrong.”
After my sister’s cat got pregnant, I started to float the idea around. Cats are easier, mostly independent, et cetera – plus they’re quite spiritual animals. I agreed to take a kitten, and the family agreed Walter was the one. I was in no rush to take him home. I waited as long as she would let me.
Having a strong mother archetype and being that I was the only one consistently home, we bonded – not on purpose I might add.
I still didn’t like the hair left on blankets or my clothes. I am on him when he scratches the furniture or my kitchen rugs.
He loved going outside and catching bugs and exploring our backyard. He never strayed very far and would come when I called.
Then one morning, he didn’t come when I called. I thought, “This is odd,” but he’s a cat. He’ll come back. For the next few hours, I could call him, check the yard, check the neighbors, still nothing. I had this pain in my heart that I haven’t felt in a really long time. We were heading into a weekend of cooler temperatures and rain.
It was late afternoon, and I grabbed his treats and went for a walk around our block – nothing. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown, but I had company, so I had no choice but to keep it together. Everyone kept saying, “He’ll come home. Don’t worry.”
As the “mama,” I was very worried. It’s cold and raining and he’s little and he didn’t eat much today.
Friday night, I joined all the lost pet Facebook groups and registered him missing on the local shelter website. I really thought I’d wake up and he’d be on the doorstep waiting.
No, nothing.
I could not focus on anything else. On one hand I was grateful for the company as there were reprieves from the worry, but at the same time, I just wanted to obsess and look and worry and cry.
It took a lot of courage for me to post my lost kitten to all the sites. I felt very much like a failure. And, no offense, but there’s some very judgey people on those groups.
All day I would check the groups and the sites to see if anyone had found him. We would go around the neighborhood…expand and go back. I did all the “recommended” things.
Sunday, I had posters and mailbox flyers printed, but it was raining. Monday, I forced myself to go out to a prior engagement. It was so nice to be around people and have something else to focus on. It had stopped raining, so I figured if he had been hiding over the weekend, this would be when he would make his way home.
I’m into some woo-woo things, so over the course of those last three days, I had used a pendulum to ask questions. I had also connected to my guides and tried to connect to Walter.
Interesting observation: on Friday, I had very positive results with the pendulum and the questions I’d asked. By Sunday/Monday, the answers I was receiving were not great. Although, when I would connect to Walter, I didn’t feel like he had passed on. But I wondered if that was just my high hopes.
Monday night, I did some research to see which archangel looked over animals. I called him in and asked for his help. I also looked up spiritual meaning for why animals end up in your life, why they may leave, and all things in between.
I remember feeling like what I was going through was an experience for me, a universal lesson, if you will. I also concluded that while I have my purpose here on earth, so did he. And while my desperation was growing, I needed to surrender to what was best for him. Maybe his time here was only this long. Maybe another family needed him more than we did. Maybe he was exploring and living his best life.
So although my heart was hurting, was it fair to desperately wish him back if that wasn’t his purpose?
I asked my own guides to help me feel peace and gratitude.
I knew I needed to surrender. And while knowing you need to do something is great, doing it is a whole other story.
I first started relaxing my nervous system with breathing – slow, deep inhales and exhales. I needed to calm my whole body down. I moved into exhaling with a purpose (sighing) to allow the energy to release from my body. Then I used words. “I surrender.” “I surrender to this situation knowing things are always working out for me.”
I remember breathing and repeating these words in my head and reminding myself that the universe doesn’t screw you over. There is no intentional pain.
This is where the gratitude comes in. I had never, in my whole life, felt a connection to an animal. (And if we want to get even more woo-woo, I’m not sure whose spirit Walter has, but it’s definitely someone connected to me. I can feel that much).
I was grateful for the playfulness he brought into our house. The laughs that were had. I appreciated the morning cuddles we had or the afternoon desk mate who just wanted to be close to me. There was an energy in the house I had never felt before, and I liked it.
Monday evening was the first time I didn’t cry. I felt peace and acceptance. Acceptance of what is.
Tuesday, I decided to clean up some of his things. The food and water bowls were stale, so I cleaned those up. I took the blankets off the chairs in the kitchen and washed them. There had been a box Walter was playing with that I took to recycling. It wasn’t that I made the decision he wasn’t ever coming home, but it was time to tidy up a few things.
Although I’m fairly new to mantra, I never feel worse after I sing/chant them. I looked up which ones were about surrender, and I played and sang them on repeat as I did errands that day. I had a great business meeting which left me feeling really good and more focused than I had been able to be for the last five days.
I got home and started prepping supper. The kids and I had plans to go hang up flyers after dinner as that was supposed to be the last of the rain.
I’m getting ready to put dinner in the oven. I’m warming up my lunch leftovers to have a bit of a snack, and I get a text message.
I was a little confused, but I got all excited. Then I was worried not to get my hopes up in case it wasn’t him. He wasn’t on their website, and I didn’t ask for a photo since she was telling me to just go view him.
I’m in a panic. I don’t want to go alone but no one is home to come with me.
I called my husband to ask him what I needed to take with me as I couldn’t think straight. I make sure I turn off the stove. I grabbed some treats, the carrier, and some toys for the ride home. Morinville is about 35 minutes away.
Talk about motherly instincts. It didn’t matter that I was hungry and didn’t grab the leftovers I was heating up. It didn’t matter that it was pouring rain and normally that would cause me some anxiety. I put on the mantra – instant calm. I decided to breathe, and I told myself even if it wasn’t him, I was going to be okay.
I did worry that maybe I wouldn’t recognize him or maybe he wouldn’t recognize me. He’d only been with us for four weeks.
I walked in and when they took me into the cat room, we both knew. I was so relieved. He was very vocal (I take it happy to see me), but he looked good.
I asked them when he had been brought in. Apparently, it was Friday afternoon – which means he wasn’t ‘lost’ for very long. Thank God.
Given his age, I hadn’t taken him in for neutering or chipping yet. It was “on the list.”
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The art of surrender. When we want something so desperately, our desperation pushes it away because desperation usually means we don’t believe things are going to work out in our favour.
We could probably find some logical reason why it took them five days to find me and my online lost pet post. But for me it was the lesson of learning to let what is be.
I assumed the worst. I didn’t have faith or confidence that the universe was helping me and watching over Walter on his adventure.
I needed to allow my emotions to settle just a little to allow the energy surrounding the situation to change.
Don’t underestimate the power of surrender. It doesn’t mean giving up. It didn’t mean I was going to stop looking. It meant I was changing my emotional state from desperate to neutral. From anxious and worried to calm. To remembering that everything always works out for me instead of wondering why things are happening to me.
Out of all the outcomes to this scenario I had imagined, this was not one I could have predicted.
There is a power in breath.
There is a power in mantra.
There is a power in surrender.
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