Interesting question if you have time to really delve into what it means or what you’re asking. I won’t dive too deeply today. I just wanted to share a story and my “ah fuck I’m doing it again” moment.
Ben is in need of a new bike. Terrace and I were at Costco and saw one. Terrace thought it was a good bike for the price, $629. Ben did not answer me, so we did not purchase the bike that day.
Ben and I went back the next day, and at first glance, he says he likes it. Then decides he’ll need to replace the tires because the ones on it are too fat. We’re at the till, and then he notices that it only has one gear; he wants three.
At this point I tell him that there’s no point in getting the bike if it’s not what he wants. So we put it back, leave Costco, and head to Sport Chek.
We get to Sport Chek, and he finds the bike he’d like. It’s $699. So at this point, and in retrospect this seems so silly, but I tell him it’s too much to spend on a bike.
I can tell he’s not happy. I’m frustrated because I now feel like I have a spoiled child who doesn’t appreciate anything I do.
We get the other items we were there for and leave.
On the way home, Ben is quiet.
I start to go on a rant about how expensive the bike is and how he is not grateful for what he has. As I’m ranting, I can feel his energy sink, and he’s not talking at all. My inner voice is telling me to stop talking, but I’m on a roll, and I just can’t stop.
I’m feeling like I had to say something because my number one job as a parent is to not raise spoiled kids. (I cannot say for sure where this idea came from, but it plays in the background of my thoughts when it comes to parenting).
We go home and I find the same bike used for $400, which we go and pick up. I feel like it’s a win-win.
And then…
Part of my training to be a Heal Your Life teacher and coach is to be a participant. I go through the same workshops and trainings as the participants would. A, so I have an understanding of how it feels to go through it. B, because figuring out your shit is a life-long journey.
As I pondered the sections of deservability and prosperity and my current feelings about money, I realized that in my attempt to “not spoil my kids,” I put a worth on Ben. And as I realized that, I remembered the feeling I had as I watched him sink during my rant. What he heard through my rant was, “You’re not worth $700. I was willing to pay $630, then changed my mind, decided you’re not worth 7 and paid 4.”
Oof.
I’ve been trying to break the cycles of the money baggage I had/have. In some ways, I’ve made great strides, and in others, I am still learning.
The whole experience allowed me to think about what spoiling a child means to me. I had tied spoiled children to money and material things, but maybe that’s not necessarily true. Maybe the term “spoiled” has to do with who they are as a person. What’s their integrity? Are they honest? Polite? Kind? Giving? Can they “adult”?
I don’t want my children to feel their “worth” (which is literally priceless) is in any way tied to money or material things.
As I sorted through this, I was able to have an honest conversation with Ben. He might not have entirely seen it the way I did, but he listened to what I had to say and accepted my apology. In the end, he was really happy with the bike.
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